My weird week

I am against pedophiles or rapists of any type.  Most people are.  Up until recently there was a pedophile living in one of the buildings I manage.  At the time that he committed his crime he was significantly overweight and unhealthy.  Because of this the corrections facilities did not want to take on the expense of his care, so he was allowed to serve out his sentence at his home.

Because he was disabled (due to his weight)  he was allowed to collect social security (in spite of his criminal history) plus he had social security from his dad which he wasn’t even required to report.  So picture this.  An enormously large pedophile gets off scott free and then is allowed to sit in his bed for the next 10 years paying less than $30 a month for rent, getting food stamps and getting dual social security income.  Needless to say I have little empathy for this person.

Over the past two months his health has declined rapidly, with a month-long stay in the hospital then being sent home on hospice care.  Myself and all my coworkers knew he would die soon, but we didn’t know when.  On Saturday afternoon I was enjoying a funny conversation with my son when my work phone rang.  I ignored it at first seeing that it was a tenant, but when another tenant called I felt I needed to find out what was going on.  I asked my son to hold on for a second while I answered my work phone.  My tenant informed me that the pedophile had died late Friday night.  I was shocked, thanked the tenant for the call then got back on the phone with my son.

He asked me what that was about and I think to myself “How do I explain my mixed feelings about this situation to a 10-year-old?”  I simply told him that a tenant had died.  When my son said that was sad, I told him I wasn’t really sad about the man dying because he had done a lot of bad things in his life.  I tried to remain cheery and happy while chatting with my son but my mind was wandering. 

Later after I’d finished talking to my son I contacted my co-workers who would need to be informed of the death and then went on with my day, trying to not think about it.  The problem is, my mind never stops thinking.  And if I’m honest with myself I’m so glad that this tenant died.  He was a waste of human life, and resources, he committed a heinous crime and then lived off my (and YOUR) tax dollars until the day he died.  When I sit and look at my own financial situation – at the fact that I’m not able to get any assistance even though I’m a good person and work hard I get even more angry at the deceased and at the way our government is run.

So now it’s my great pleasure (can you hear the sarcasm?) to speak kindly to the deceased’s mother, to coordinate all the medical equipment being picked up by the hospitals, to offer condolences to tenants who were close to the deceased, and to coordinate a “celebration of life” for the tenants and friends to attend – all for someone whom I have nothing but loathing for.

This is a grand exercise in patience and people skills…and now I feel the need to turn to my serenity prayer:

God – grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (I can’t change how the government is run and the fact that a pedophile lived off my earnings).

The courage to change the things I can (I can certainly hold my head high in the knowledge that I do everything in my power to be a good person – and I CAN continue to work my ass off so that I can improve my social/financial standing)

And the wisdom to know the difference (oh hai!!! I already have that!  See above!)

Be well my friends.

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About Ms Fihaki

Thanks so much for checking out my blog! I’m supposed to write about me – who I am as a person and I really don’t see the sense in that considering that when you read my posts you will learn more about me as a person than you would from any 500 word statement I could make. I will however play by the rules – just this once. I’m 36 years young. I consider myself a strong independant and beautiful woman (hey! I wrote about that! Check it out!). I’m single and love it. Just over a year ago I made some serious lifestyle changes which include eliminating alcohol from my diet, being more physically active, eating healthier and daily working on my spirituality. One of the things which has happened as a result of these lifestyle changes is that I’ve gained a level of clarity I never knew was possible. With this clarity comes the realization that my words affect the lives of those around me. I’ve always been much better at writing than at speaking. If I can affect people the way I do from speaking, just imagine the effect I can have with the written word! I had been blogging about my secret life doing sensual massage – but I wasn’t getting a lot of traffic or interraction from that blog. Upon the suggestion of several friends I decided to start this – my public blog. My hope is that this will allow my readers to interact with me, a real live human being and that together we can create a ripple effect of positivity throughout the universe! (yea I dream big – it’s a must!) Anywho – I sincerely hope you enjoy the things I have to say and interractions are welcome and encouraged! Be Well!

Posted on October 11, 2012, in Global Change and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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