Monthly Archives: December 2012

Happy Holidays!

To be quite honest I am not a fan of the “holidays”.  I feel like the commercialism of “Christmas” has completely buried the original (and I mean ORIGINAL) reason for celebration.  Today we are celebrating the winter solstice, new life and new beginnings – yet all anyone thinks about are presents, money, hustle and bustle.  I would like to share with you my holiday experiences this year.

Every year I dread Christmas.  I’m always alone and try to separate myself from the hustle and bustle of the season.  This year is no different.  As I’m waiting for the bus yesterday morning I’m feeling grumpy about being alone on Christmas once again.  My grumpiness is increased because of the lack of nicotine in my system.  I see a lady smoking and ask her for a cigarette.  We start chatting and discover that we are waiting for the same bus.  We sit next to each other on the bus and chat for the next hour about all kinds of things.  We exchange phone numbers and make plans to hang out.  Neither of us have many female friends but both are excited about the new friendship we’ve  made with each other.

While I’m at work I get a call from my boss.  He tells me that our accountant just gave her notice and they need to fill her position as soon as possible.  I explain that I know someone (a friend of mine) who is in desperate need of a job and would be a great fit with our organization.  I send him her resume and by the end of the day the two of them have scheduled an interview for the following day.  This friend of mine got me my first real job in Seattle, a job which was directly responsible for me being able to be in the position I’m in today.  She’s also always been there for me when I needed her.  She is one of the most giving and caring people I’ve ever known.  She is a single mom and has been out of work for about 7 months.  She is getting desperate and depressed about her situation.  I feel the need to help her now in her time of need if I am at all able to.  My boss tells me he’s thrilled about her resume and I just have a feeling that he is going to offer her a job on the spot.

On my way home from work I call an old friend of mine who I recently reconnected with.  We haven’t talked in a few months and I’m immediately apologetic for not keeping in touch.  By the end of our conversation I’m laughing and my spirits are high.  We’ve made plans to get together after the first of the year – and he professes longstanding feelings for me.  I’m SHOCKED! I’d been completely oblivious to his interest in me but there was always an interest in him on my part.  I’m thrilled about the possibilities of what may come.

When I get home from work I get comfortable and partake of my medicine (ah lovely greenery – how you ease my soul).  After a few minutes there is a knock on my door.  My friend who is interviewing with my organization and my best friend are standing at my door with bags full of food.  They know my finances are tight right now and have conspired to make sure I have food in my home for the holidays.  We sit and chat for hours reminiscing on fun times in our past and making plans for New Years.  Throughout the night I’m amazed at the beauty of paying it forward.  In me helping someone in need, my needs have been met.

Today I’m on cloud nine.  I’m looking forward to a long weekend and a fun-filled Christmas bringing meals to my homebound tenants.  As the day progresses I am showered with love and gifts from friends in my life.  I’m amazed at the outpouring of kindness and love which is coming my direction.  I’m sitting at my desk now – thinking about how my life has changed this year.  I’m so grateful for all the positive changes I’ve made in my life.

This afternoon I’m going to be bringing a bed and some other furniture to a formerly homeless new tenant of mine who has no furniture and has been sleeping on the floor since moving in.  When I told her that I was going to be donating this furniture to her she cried.  She is so grateful for the opportunity to get off the streets and have a warm safe place to call home. 

This holiday season my heart and soul are filled with joy.  I’m making a difference in people’s lives and they are in turn making a difference in mine.  That to me is the TRUE spirit of Christmas.  I pray that we can all pause for a minute in our busy schedules and reflect on the deeper meanings of this holiday season.

Blessings my friends.



Love of a Lifetime?

Summer 1995 small town USA the cement is already getting hot under her feet as she strolls outside for her morning cigarette.  She sits on the driveway soaking up the warmth waiting for her two best friends to show up as they always do.  Her curls waft in the breeze and she wonders what adventures this day will hold.


Sarah is the leader of the pack, a petite 19 year old that refuses to conform to the ideals of her society.  She exudes a sultry sexuality not usually found in one so young.  She’s known as the neighborhood whore – because all of her friends are boys a few years younger than her.


Daniel is a shy abused young man who was drawn to Sara’s light from their first meeting as young children – Sarah the mouthy little brat, Daniel the sad withdrawn child.  Sarah’s views on life and the world have opened Daniel up like he never thought possible.  Because of their friendship he was able to get away from his abuser and begin healing his wounds.


Kirk is the gorgeous and knows it.  As an only child of a single mom, he is doted on and spoiled like most children in this town are not.  He could have any girl he wanted but chooses none; he is instead the third part of the trifecta.


These three are always together, the three stooges, best of friends.  There is an underlying problem here.  Daniel is realizing his sexual orientation toward other boys because of a growing infatuation he has with Kirk.  Sarah is also infatuated with Kirk.  She fantasizes about the playground his body would be under her hands and tongue.  Kirk is oblivious to both of these facets to his friendships.


This day is no different than any other day.  The three friends decide to go cruising on the dirt road.  Sarah is the only one with a car and revels in driving them through all of their adventures.  Daniel decides last minute that he wants to try something new and exciting.  He climbs into the trunk right before they take off and holds on for dear life.  The dirt road is a 2 mile strip downhill with two railroad tracks for jumping.  Sarah always pushes the limits on the road burying the needle and flying over the tracks. As they pull back into the driveway Kirk and Sarah are laughing hysterically at the screams coming from the trunk.  When the sunlight hits Daniel’s excited face in the dark trunk he grins up at his friends and screams “LETS DO IT AGAIN!” Sarah is more than happy to oblige.


Late that night they are parked on the street, Sarah sharing her cigarettes with the boys.  Daniel should have been home long ago. The friends all know his mom, Massive Marie will be furious if she finds him with us, so they are on a constant lookout for her.  Daniel sits in the back seat flicking a lighter off and on.  Sarah aroused by the adrenaline from the day decides it’s time to let Kirk know she’s interested in being more than friends.  He is defenseless against her attack and they begin making out across the e-brake.  Daniel is green with envy and moves his flame to Sarah’s hair, burning off one of her curls.  She screeches with rage and they all dissolve into laughter. Sarah could never be angry with Daniel because she knows how he feels.


Minutes later Massive Marie pulls up behind them.  The boys panic!  Sarah orders Daniel to lie down on the floor in the back as she gets out of the car.  She walks toward Marie’s truck her heart fluttering and she puts on her game face.  She tells Marie that she’s just hanging out with Kirk and has no idea where Daniel is, but if she sees him, she will let him know that he needs to get home ASAP.  Marie knows Sarah is lying to but seeing Sarah will not bend in her story she drives away.  Sarah saunters back to the car smug in her assumed superiority.


She insists that Daniel go home so that she doesn’t have the wrath of Massive Marie on her tail.  Kirk is still in a cloud from Sarah’s advances and decides it’s best if he go home as well since he and Daniel live next door to each other. Walking away the boy’s chatter and laughter drift down the street. Sarah sighs and decides she will have to try again another time.  She smokes one more cigarette then heads off to tickle her nub and release her pent up passions.


A few days later there is a party at Kirks house.  His mom is out of town for the weekend and the kids decide to really live it up.  They down the beer in the fridge and smoke pack after pack of cigarettes.  They watch old movies and listen to music, singing along and to each other.  A favorite song comes on and they can be heard throughout the neighborhood bellowing the lyrics with gusto.  Drunk on beer and high on life Daniel eventually decides to sneak home so that he won’t get found out.  Sarah has no curfew and no intentions of leaving.


She follows Kirk to his darkened bedroom.  The warmed waterbed awaits them.  As soon as their bodies hit the sheets Sarah is pulling Kirk’s boxers off.  She bends low and takes him into her mouth.  Even now she has an innate knowledge of how to bring immense pleasure.  She knows that Kirk is a virgin and has always fantasized about being someone’s first.  He penetrates her and their passion burns hot ending quickly.  They fall asleep in each other’s arms contented at last.  Before the sun rises Sarah awakes and realizes what she’s done.  She knows that their friendship will never be the same and mourns that loss.  She quietly climbs out of bed unwilling to disturb the naked sleeping deliciousness that is Kirk.


Fast-forward 20 years.  Life has happened for all three of the friends.  Sarah marries and divorces several times, has children and losses them.  Daniel moves to the west coast to embrace his lifestyle choices.  Kirk moves to another small town out of the state, marries has a child and divorces.  All have grown in their own ways and had their own adventures and mishaps.  Sarah and Daniel have kept in touch sporadically throughout the years.  A few years back Daniel moved Sarah to his city during a desperate time in her life providing her a chance for a new start when no one else could help her.  Both have done well for themselves but their different lifestyles don’t allow them to spend a lot of time with each other.  One day after not talking for several months Daniel calls Sarah and tells her that he just got off the phone with Kirk.  Kirk lives only three hours away from the other two and plans are made for a reunion.


The reunion is all they imagined it would be.  Reminiscing, telling of their adventures.  Kirk tells his friends he’s spent the past several years trying to track them down.  Sarah lives a very private almost reclusive life, making her virtually untraceable.  Daniel a semi-public figure is much easier to find which is why he was contacted first.  Daniel hosts at his home in the country and the three spend a weekend together.  Sarah and Kirk banter and she teases him about being his first for several things.


At the end of the first night they all go to their rooms.  As Sarah tries to fall asleep she entertains ideas of trying to rekindle that fire with Kirk but decides against it, valuing the friendship over any passion that may still be smoldering.  In the other room Kirk waits and waits for Sarah to come join him but falls asleep and wakes up alone.  Each makes up their mind that the other holds interest in only friendship so no further overtures are made throughout the weekend, an easy comfort among the three friends.


Months pass and the friends talk occasionally but are unable to get together because of varying circumstances.  Kirk calls Sarah several times with no response.  He knows that Sarah is very busy in a new career and is certain she will call when she can.  He also knows that she’s now living with a man, which makes her more unavailable.  Relaxing after a magically karmic day Sarah decides to call Kirk and catch up on current events.  They chat for a while and make plans to get together in the next couple of months.  Sarah tells Kirk she’ll be moving – alone – soon.  He teases about moving in with her and she chuckles saying she might consider it.  Kirk needs to get off the phone to call another friend back and they say their goodbyes.


Reflecting on her magical day Sarah sings along to her music as she travels home from work.  A message comes through on her phone and she gasps grinning from ear to ear.  Kirk has asked her if he can take her out on a real date – expresses a longstanding interest in her and asks if she would give him a chance.  Sarah gives a resounding YES!  But explains that she is in the process of ending her relationship and wants to be fair to everyone.  Kirk is understanding and accepting of this, he’s waited this long – what are another couple of months?  Kirk knows Sarah has had a rough life and tells her he wants nothing more than to show her how a woman should REALLY be treated.


Sarah is still worried about hurting a friendship that she values deeply but is open to and excited about the possibilities of what may blossom here.  She flicks her bean while sharing dirty pictures with Kirk.  Cyber kisses are exchanged and as she drifts off to sleep Sarah meditates and practices the laws of attraction to bring love and positivity into her life – thrilled about what the future may hold.



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