Monthly Archives: April 2013
To my friend;
I have been learning a lot lately about unconditional love and sensitivity to other’s needs and emotions.
I would like to apologize to you for my misbehavior. When you reached out to others and myself about the bombing of your brothers and sisters, I was insensitive. I should have realized that you were crying out for help, compassion, and friendship.
I am truly sorry for not recognizing your need and I understand why you were so upset with me.
I’ve learned that love, in relationships (including friendships), needs to be unconditional. That doesn’t mean without boundaries, but it needs to be lasting and eternal. I have violated that unconditional love in my friendship with you twice now.
You are one of the most passionate and fiery people I know. It is this passion and fire which I love so much about you, but which has also caused me to react poorly in your most desperate times of need. You are kind and honest. You give fully of yourself even when it is to your detriment. You continue to try even when others tell you to give up. You have survived so much pain and have learned and grown from each of these experiences. You are always willing to lend a helping hand. And you laugh and smile readily, even through your pain. You are gift to this planet, to your friends, and to your family. You are intelligent and humble. You are always willing to try new things.
I don’t know if you will be able to forgive me for my insensitivity, but I did want you to know that in spite of our arguments and differences I do love you.
I sincerely hope that you are well and happy.
I woke up this morning thinking about equality in all things. The main thought on my brain was about the fact that I have several friends who are gay and hide that fact from their employers. It disheartens me to see that my friends whom I love feel the need to hide such a huge part of who they are based on the fear of not having a job, or a good job…
I started work thinking about this idea. And kind of decided that it wasn’t really something I wanted to talk about on my blog because of the negative content. As my day progressed, life happened and my thoughts turned to other things.
I was perusing Facebook just now and a gay friend of mine posted the following video:
Initially I was going to call bullshit because it looked fake to me. I’m glad I watched the video before opening my mouth. The video is a spin on what it would be like if a young lady was beat up for being “straight”. It was done in an effort to show how backward the thinking is to harass and abuse people whose sexual orientation is different from others. And what an eye opener it was for me.
Our souls – our higher self is not gender specific. They are pure energy. If that is true, then who we love doesn’t need to be gender specific either. The way that my energy feels toward your energy has absolutely nothing to do with our specific plumbing. It has everything to do with being kindred souls, having a love and compassion for one another, and finding a soul that yours can love openly and equally.
Thank you for letting me share my thoughts on this most touchy subject.
A new friend of mine is providing a FREE (with the purchase of her ebook) Love Action Love Mindset Boot Camp. She invited me to look over the information to see if I was interested. What she didn’t know was how timely this invitation was for my daughter and myself.
I am going to be joining her sessions! I hope you will be there too!
It’s been brought to my attention over the past couple of days that more of my friends and family read my blog than I had thought. This just tickles my heart as it helps me realize that my words are being heard.
I’ve been trying to come up with ways to get more personal interactions from my blog – similar to the interactions we have on Facebook and other such sites. It was suggested to me today by one of my international pen pals to write about my earliest memories and ask my readers to tell me about theirs. I loved that idea – so here you have it!
I think my most prominent early memory is of teasing my baby sister. She had very fine blonde hair that my mom would put into a ponytail at the top of her head. My other sisters and I would pretend like it was a water fountain and “drink” out of it. Around the same time frame, we had a golden retriever named Toby. One Sunday while we were at church Toby was chained to a tree in the back yard. The female dog in the yard next door was in heat and Toby jumped over the fence to get to her. His chain got hung up on the fence and he hanged. My baby sister was so traumatized by this that for weeks all she would say was “Toby jump over the fence…Toby jump over the fence”.
My oldest sister was usually the babysitter when my parents weren’t home. One day she was cooking dinner for us and I noticed how RED the burner was. I asked her why, and she told me it was because it was HOT. I didn’t believe her and wanted to see for myself, so I put my right palm flat on the burner…OUCH!
We went to Disneyland for a family vacation during this time. Mom and Dad put the seat of the station wagon down so that us girls could lounge back there for the long trip. We stopped somewhere to eat and I had thrown up all down the front of my shirt. My mom washed the shirt out in the restaurant bathroom and I was able to ride bare chested while my wet shirt hung out the window to dry. OH THE FREEDOM! We stopped at a hotel on this trip and all of us girls were so excited that we couldn’t fall asleep. Mom told us that if we would just close our eyes for 5 minutes we could stay up and watch TV, I don’t know about my sisters, but I didn’t ever make it to the TV watching…I was instead watching the dreams in my mind. What a smart Mom I have.
When we got to OC we got lost trying to find the campground we were supposed to stay at. I remember Mom and Dad arguing about directions. We found the campground.
Wow – I’ve always thought that I didn’t remember much about my childhood but just writing these few memories has brought back a flood of others! I’m going to stop here or I would be going on for days.
I would love to hear some of my readers memories!
For about the past month or so, every time I look at my blog, I’ve severely disliked the title “Memoirs Of An Insane Woman” because although I felt that way about myself at one point in my life, I no longer do. Additionally that title no longer matched the content I am posting these days – which is all about personal and spiritual growth.
I’ve been trying to figure out how to change the title of my blog without deleting the content I’ve already posted but for some reason I couldn’t figure it out. When I did figure it out just now, I struggled for a few minutes trying to find a catchy title which resonated with me and my posts.
I’ve decided I’m just me. Ms. Fihaki. Full of love and growth. Every day learning and stretching. So that’s who I am, and will continue to be.
When I was growing up, I was made fun of a lot. I had super curly hair, thick thighs, big hips, small boobs, a gap tooth…the list goes on and on. For years I’ve struggled with self-image issues because of how I allowed others to make me feel.
I’ve come to understand that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and I behold myself to be beautiful. As I’ve changed my self-image, believe it or not, my appearance has changed. I am told on a daily basis (and not just by friends and family) what a beautiful person I am. I turn heads when I walk down the street (although that could be because I’m singing at the top of my lungs I suppose).
When I look in the mirror I no longer see the ugly duckling of my childhood. I see my true and beautiful self. The beauty of my soul is reflected in the beauty of my face.
We are all beautiful. Find your inner beauty today.
There was a time when I used to fear the state of the world. The violence, greed and oppression I saw everywhere. I complained about this constantly and wondered how we as a species would ever overcome such hurdles to attain true peace and enlightenment. I wondered how one person could change the world for the better, and felt sure of our destruction of this planet and each other.
I no longer feel this way. I know that global change begins right here, in my mind, heart and actions. As I change myself those changes cause a ripple effect in the lives of those around me. Today my whole thought process is different than it was 2 years ago. I do not allow myself to dwell on negative thoughts or emotions. When I feel those things creeping into my essence, I cancel them out and replace them with positive thoughts and emotions. As I’ve changed my thinking, my social network has changed. I’ve become connected with other individuals who are also bringing about global change by starting with themselves.
The author Deepak Chopra said it best: