2 Years – My Testament to Sobriety
On the morning of May 8, 2011 I woke up from a drunken stupor. I was angry with my boyfriend over a fight we’d had the night before, and was miserable in my life. I started a fight with my boyfriend, which ended with me being beaten severely by him. When the beating was done, I went into the bathroom and sobbed. I looked in the mirror at my terrible face and through the pain and misery my eyes opened up for the first time in many years.
I made a resolution then and there to never touch alcohol again. I knew that it was the cause of much of the misery I’d experienced in my life and I was determined to not allow it to control my actions or my life any longer. When I first told friends and family that I was done drinking, there was much disbelief. They had heard this from me before and it had never stuck in the past. This time, I knew it was going to be different.
I recovered from the beating, left my boyfriend and moved into a new apartment. Initially I was extremely lonely. Most of my friends at the time were bar flies and because I was no longer drinking I lost many friends. I started making new friends at the AA meetings and clean and sober events that I was attending. After a few months I felt like AA was just a replacement addiction and so I quit attending the meetings, still resolute in my decision to never touch alcohol again.
I began meditating and running. In my new apartment I no longer had cable TV or radio so I spent much of my time reading and writing. I had a few friends who were still faithful to me and supportive of my decision to remain sober and I relied heavily on their support. It was so hard to FEEL my emotions for the first time and not be able to blanket them with alcohol. Rather than being miserable in my emotions, I reveled in them. It proved to me that I was still alive, still capable of feeling – something I had thought I’d forgotten how to do.
By the time I was sober for a year I felt very secure in my sobriety, however I was still miserable in my job and longed to have my family back. In April of 2012 I quit my full time job on a leap of faith in order to get into a much better career. Many people were leery of this move because it meant I would go from 40 hours a week to 18 hours a week, and I could barely make ends meet even at my full time job. I did it anyways because I knew it was the right move to make.
I did what I had to over the next 11 months to keep my rent paid and keep food on my table. At first I did massage in my free time, but massage is very draining and most of my clientele wanted more than massage, which was very demoralizing to me. In June of that year I met a man who needed a place to stay. I needed help with rent and was tired of doing massage so I invited him to move in with me. I ended up falling in love with this man, but in December he had a relapse on his drug of choice. I was devastated and had to end things with him. I explained how difficult my sobriety had been for me and that I couldn’t have things of that nature in my home and in my life. We are still friends and he hasn’t relapsed since. I’m very proud of the progress he is making in his life.
In January of this year I was offered a full time job with my new employer. Along with the job came a beautiful 3-bedroom home in a rural part of Northern Washington. I moved into my new home in February and have been working on getting settled in. Last week my oldest daughter moved back in with me after nearly seven years of living with my sister. In June my middle daughter will be coming to visit for 6 weeks to decide if she too would like to move back in with me. My son has decided to stay with my sister since she is the only mom he knows, and I’m ok with that.
These last two years have been a true roller coaster ride for me. I’ve had many ups and downs. I’ve learned many lessons and have had to come to terms with many hurtful things I did while drinking. But my life now is so completely different from what it was 2 years ago. I am happy; I am at peace and I love life – the good and the bad parts.
Today I am celebrating two years of sobriety. And I am looking forward to many more years of sobriety in my future.