The Ripple Effect – Part 3

Last month I moved back to my childhood home.  This has been a difficult transition for me, but an important one.  There is a person who lives in this neighborhood whom I harmed in a very deep and long lasting way 20 years ago.  In all this time I never talked to this person to express remorse or shame for my actions, even though there have been many opportunities.  Instead, every time I saw this person I judged them for the bad decisions they were making in their life.

Today, for the first time in 20 years this person confronted me about what I had done.  It came completely out of the blue and after an already intensely emotional day of processing old baggage.  I didn’t know what to say or do.  All I could say was I’m sorry, over and over again.  This person whom I’d harmed was gracious and forgiving, their significant other was even helpful in a way I specifically needed at that moment.  I was and am still in shock.  All I could say was “Thank you” and “I’m so sorry”.  I told this person that if there was ever anything I could do for them, to please let me know.  And then I went home and my mind started processing the day’s events.

This next portion may be hard for some to read and hear from me, and I will gladly accept any judgement you make of me.

When I first harmed this person I was scared for myself.  I thought I was going to go to prison for a very long time and have a permanent record of Sexual Assault on a Minor Child.  Yes, that’s what I did.  I should have gone to jail, but I didn’t.  The universe has a strange way of working things out sometimes.  Instead of going to jail I had sexual assault perpetrated against me and my children time and time again.  I learned the very real and intense pain of being the victim of such a crime.  I never connected the two things.  I never realized that I was being taught in a very real way what I had done to someone else.

The pain I caused didn’t end there.  The entire time I was judging this person for the bad decisions they were making, did I once stop to think that maybe my actions were partly the cause of their actions?  No, I didn’t. Not once.  Did I ever stop to think about how my actions would affect this person entire future, and their children’s and grand children’s future?  No I didn’t, not once.  The ripple effect of that terrible wrong I did spread out and affected so many other people.  I never thought about those long term effects and I’m so sorry for the pain I caused.

Today I’m grateful for this deep realization about myself, and my actions.  I hope that I am able to learn and grow from this lesson.  I hope that I am able to heal the wrongs I’ve done and that I am able to be forgiven for this horrible mistake.  I’m grateful that the person I harmed was able to finally speak up and confront me for what I’d done, and I’m grateful for his ability to forgive and move on.

Advertisements

About Ms Fihaki

Thanks so much for checking out my blog! I’m supposed to write about me – who I am as a person and I really don’t see the sense in that considering that when you read my posts you will learn more about me as a person than you would from any 500 word statement I could make. I will however play by the rules – just this once. I’m 36 years young. I consider myself a strong independant and beautiful woman (hey! I wrote about that! Check it out!). I’m single and love it. Just over a year ago I made some serious lifestyle changes which include eliminating alcohol from my diet, being more physically active, eating healthier and daily working on my spirituality. One of the things which has happened as a result of these lifestyle changes is that I’ve gained a level of clarity I never knew was possible. With this clarity comes the realization that my words affect the lives of those around me. I’ve always been much better at writing than at speaking. If I can affect people the way I do from speaking, just imagine the effect I can have with the written word! I had been blogging about my secret life doing sensual massage – but I wasn’t getting a lot of traffic or interraction from that blog. Upon the suggestion of several friends I decided to start this – my public blog. My hope is that this will allow my readers to interact with me, a real live human being and that together we can create a ripple effect of positivity throughout the universe! (yea I dream big – it’s a must!) Anywho – I sincerely hope you enjoy the things I have to say and interractions are welcome and encouraged! Be Well!

Posted on August 27, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: